DAMN, it’s been a minute since this site has actually been a thing. i think it’s appropriate that everything slowed down in this aspect of my life last fall since there were so many other elements of my personal life that were in process and preparation for one of the greatest challenges + transitions i’ve ever faced. it’s been roughly 9 months since i discontinued a facet of my life which had been a foundational element for 9 years. it just so happened that it ended on the eve of my last solar return, also the 9th day of the month. 999. it was time for the reset to officially begin.
9s mark the ending of cycles….2016 was probably the absolute MOST 9 year I can recall. and 1s are believed to initiate new beginnings. 2017 has certainly proved to be in alignment with that vibration.
i am currently experiencing the fullest manifestation of awareness of my life. let me just say, i definitely had a different expectation of what a year 1 might feel like…i truly thought like, “oh yeah, the universal energies are finally going to allow me to be different and no longer struggle with the specific karmic bullshit that was hindering me the last 9 years and shit is just going to start flowing easily for me!”
what a dumb bitch moment tbh. but i can absolutely fucking report that the first 6 months of this year has been a process of seeing myself more and more clearly, without vanity and delusion. this year so far has absolutely been one of taking full responsibility for the aspects of my shadow which i’ve previously neglected and ignored. this year has been about coming to terms with traumas from my childhood as well as my adulthood. this year has been about witnessing myself in many states of manic depression like an outward observer and realizing that it truly is a fleeting feeling, and also, that it is a completely okay thing to experience. [provided you don’t do the most and start identifying with this transient state.] this year has been about healing from ptsd. this year has been about learning what it feels like to sever your own arm to save the rest of your body, and furthermore, trusting that you actually do have the power to not only survive in a seemingly un-whole state but also to regenerate yourself with time.
and i guess even tho i really assumed more ease in regards to my experience in this entire process, it really has felt like a natural spiraling out from the intentions i have set, the cries i have made to the universe, the exhorting of my matron goddess. so i suppose i can still admit that this year so far, while not easy, has eased into a new phase in my growth. the one in which i am still participating in the old patterns from the past cycle…but i am truly witnessing myself in them, which, according to ekhart tolle, is the natural progression when one is working to reprogram the neural connections we have to certain thoughts or behaviors. first you make the intention to change, but you continue to do the thing without really realizing it. then you continue to participate but witness yourself in the moment, activating the old pattern but not being able to stop yourself in the act. that absolutely describes how i’ve experienced the first half of this year.
i’m feeling a shift tho.
the summer solstice [for those of us in the northern hemisphere] just occurred, signaling the midway point of our earth’s traverse around the sun each year with the longest view of the sun we get during this cycle. and on that glorious day, i declared into the fabric of reality and into the fabric of my ephemeral meat suit that i am beyond ready for the next stage of my growth with this transmutational stick and poke tattoo made by my dear friend EVAN.
vesica picis energy. i love the way he adapted the traditional design. for me, it’s so richly layered in meanings…the trinity of mind, body, soul…ultimate balance…planetary energetics…the sun, moon and earth…past, present and future. i also love that this sacred geometric form is thought to be the second move of CONSCIOUSNESS as it moved to create the 3-dimensional world. an incredibly extensive information system that i can’t even begin to scratch the surface of here.
what i can say is that things are definitely beginning anew. it’s an actual process and therefore patience is absolutely required. a more expansive perspective is needed in order to truly appreciate where we all are in the present moment and i truly believe that appreciation can be elevated into extreme levels gratitude. let’s be real here, gratitude is the great accelerator of growth, manifestation and abundance! it leads us into so many other heightened states of consciousness like enthusiasm. it literally propels us forward with excitement and lust for the experience that is our lives. and i know that when i personally am leaning into feeling gratitude more and more fully, i cannot help but become a beacon for more circumstances that cause me to feel even more grateful. it’s electromagnetism. it’s the law of vibration + the law of attraction working in a perfectly symbiotic relationship.
i am also intending to begin to integrate my healing and growth processes with my ability to communicate. i just want anyone else going through similar things to feel supported and mostly importantly, not alone. living ain’t easy baby, and i feel it as much as anyone. so, if you want more from me, know that it’s all coming in divine timing. my youtube channel (naturalmagics) will be getting some love and attention over the next few months so feel free to subscribe if videos are your thing [fair warning: i am a verbose + expressive witch. won’t be making many short videos tbh but you can expect in depth talks about cyrstals, energy work, astrology, tarot, psychedelics and anything else that turns me on].
thank you for reading, for witnessing me. i love you all.